Marilyn didn’t set out to become a hospice volunteer. In fact, she once thought she might be too emotional for it. But one day, sitting beside a dying friend, singing softly as he passed, she felt something unexpected: strength. That moment became a turning point.
Now, more than 15 years later, she says giving is a form of receiving. Every patient she visits, every caregiver she comforts, is a reminder of life’s blessings.
“The more you say thank you,” she says, “the more comes to you.”
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HopeHealth: What inspired you to volunteer with hospice care?
Marilyn: I knew I wanted to volunteer, but I thought, I probably can’t do it — I’ll be crying all the time. Then a friend of mine called and said his partner was in the hospital, dying. He asked if I could go because he just didn’t have the strength.
I did. I sat with his partner and sang to him —“You Are My Sunshine.” When they took out the breathing tube, I stayed with him for a few more minutes. And I realized: I wasn’t crying. I felt strong. Right after that, I called HopeHealth.
I love being a volunteer with HopeHealth, I really do. They do so much for everybody — the volunteers, the staff, the community. I attended a dementia training last year that was so informative, I’m thinking of taking it again. They’re always doing things like that to make us better.
What does your volunteer work involve?
I go to people’s homes. Sometimes it’s for caregiver respite care, or just to sit and talk. Every visit is different. I bring what I can — hopefully some conversation, or peace of mind, or cheer. As my husband, Steven, always says: “You can never be too kind.”
I also offer Reiki. I’ve been practicing for about 37 years — before most people had even heard of it! — and learned from people who were directly involved with the Japanese doctor who started it 200 years ago. It is the most wonderful thing. It can be really comforting for people on hospice.
> Read: “It’s like a miracle”: A volunteer helps unlock memories through music
How does Reiki help hospice patients?
I generate a healing energy through my hands, and use gentle touch. The energy flows through me to the person. It helps balance their body. They often feel heat, or calm. Sometimes it eases pain. Many people fall asleep: That’s how deeply it relaxes them.
There’s something about human touch that is so powerful. I remember the very first hospice patient that I visited. The first time I went to her house, she wanted Reiki, so I reiki-ed her. The next time I came, she wanted it again. Later, my coordinator told me it helped her pain more than morphine. I was amazed. Until then, I hadn’t known that Reiki works on pain as much as emotional issues. But research shows it can. It certainly did for this patient.
Whether it’s Reiki or not, human touch means something to all of us. Some patients don’t want Reiki, but they love a hand massage. For one patient, that became something she looked forward to every week. She told all her friends that I would come over, talk with her, and massage her hands. It made her so happy. She was so grateful.
Your visits often involve caregivers too. Will you talk about that?
The caregivers — oh my gosh. They give so much. They really do. It’s 24 hours a day, and they need so much support.
I talk to them about what a hard job it is, and about the sadness and exhaustion they’re feeling. I really work at building them up, telling them how fabulous they’re doing, and reminding them that what they do is remarkable.
How has your involvement with HopeHealth impacted your life?
Being part of this organization has given me more than I could ever give back. I know that sounds like a cliché, but it’s true.
I get so much joy out of volunteering that I can’t imagine not doing it. I’ve always liked being helpful — it makes me happy. I love knowing I’ve brought someone joy, or peace of mind, or made them laugh. That’s everything to me. This work is a gift.
> Read: The reason I do this: How a hospice volunteer finds his purpose
What helps you stay grounded in this work?
Gratitude. I have a very blessed life, and every day, I try to say thank you. I believe the universe hears that.
I also have a garden that I love. My husband and I have spent 32 years building it. It started as an empty field — we brought in huge trees and dug out garden beds. I love perennials, and we have a small vegetable garden too. Whenever I’m out there, I feel close to God. It’s very healing.
Any favorite memories from your time as a volunteer?
I’ve supported maybe 100 or 150 people over the years. I keep a little book with their names. I’ve formed real connections with many of them.
There was a couple I visited on Great Island. The husband was the patient, and his wife was his caregiver. They were both in their 80s and just delightful. She even threw me a little birthday party with pizza she made and sent some home for my husband.
Another woman I loved was a riot. We’d laugh and play games. One day we did a “jewelry party,” where we both put on all our jewelry. It was silly and fun. I visited her the day she died. I gave her a hug and kiss and whispered in her ear how much I loved our conversations. I’ll never forget her.