No one ever expects to become their parent’s caregiver.
Suddenly, you’re the one making decisions, managing medications and trying to hold your own life together. It’s constant, exhausting and lonely.
After my dad passed away, it became clear that my 85-year-old mom, Judy, could not live on her own. Her health was complicated — chronic pain, depression, a spinal fracture, migraines and early dementia. My sisters and I knew she needed more care than we could provide from afar, so we moved her to an assisted living community near me in Rhode Island.
The first few months were smooth. Then came the phone calls, two trips to the ER and pain medication that wasn’t working. Mom was depressed and hurting. I was desperate to help.
That’s when HopeHealth Hospice & Palliative Care stepped in. Through their Advanced Illness Care program, a palliative nurse practitioner visits patients where they live to anticipate, prevent and treat symptoms while easing the stress that comes with serious illness.
When Paula, HopeHealth’s nurse practitioner, arrived, I felt a wave of relief. She was calm, experienced and incredibly kind. She created a thoughtful pain management plan, coordinated with Mom’s doctors and the assisted living staff, and answered my calls and texts at any hour. For the first time, I felt like I had a true partner in caring for my mom.
As Mom’s dementia progressed — missed meals, weight loss, more sleeping — Paula connected us with Eileen, a HopeHealth social worker. Once again, we were met with warmth and compassion. Eileen encouraged Mom to join activities and helped us focus on what would bring her joy. Slowly, I began to see glimpses of the mom I remember.
Paula and Eileen have transformed my ability to care for Mom. They’ve given me confidence, support and a new perspective: the goal isn’t simply more time, but meaningful time — laughing, singing childhood songs, sharing stories.
Being a caregiver still isn’t easy. But now, I’m not alone.